Are you fascinated by your partner? By their inner world, by their body or soul? By how they tick—sexually, emotionally, physically?
One of the most delicious experiences I know of is being the object of my partner’s fascination. His interest in getting inside of me, both physically and emotionally, is a source of huge turn on and satisfaction for me. I don’t care much for being touched in the perfect way or in the same way I like the best. What I crave is the feeling of being discovered, of having his attention riveted onto me so that as he touches me he is finding me.
Without this kind of fascination, I find couples risk going through the motions, taking each other for granted, and falling into a “ho-hum” sex pattern.
If you catch yourself having that ho-hum feeling—worrying that “the magic” is gone, or sex is not appealing—I suggest three simple explorations:
1. When we the last time you felt fascinated by your partner? Picture it. Remember it. Feel it. Memories stir up the authentic emotions that occurred back when the memory was made. This acts like signposts for our bodies. “Oh yeah, I remember what that felt like.”
2. Tell your partner something authentic about your inner world—a thought, a experience, a feeling. Authentic expression is always fascinating. Always. It’s risky and vulnerable and revealing. It’s why we love to hear each other’s true stories, both horrific and heroic. In loving relationships, this type of revealing creates deep intimacy.
3. Get curious about your partner. Curiosity is the greatest aphrodisiac that I know of. “I wonder… what happens when I touch him here? I wonder spot she likes touched the most? I wonder what this will feel like if I put it in my mouth?”
What’s one thing that fascinates you about your partner sexually, emotionally, or physically? And if you can’t think of anything, when was the last time you felt fascinated by each other?
Make fasciation a part of your sex life. It’s more powerful than any technique.
Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment