How to End the Push-Pull Struggle
As I expand into my new house, I'm experiencing the bittersweetness of leaving my old identity behind. I've strongly related with the broke single mom archetype. Prevailing against all odds. Breaking free of harmful relationships. Strong. Overcoming the...
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How to Stop the “He Wants Sex and She Doesn’t” Battle
As soon as sex becomes something one partner must "give" to the other, intimacy goes downhill. It usually happens in heterosexual couples like this: men want sex and believe women must "give it to them" in order for them to be happy. Men go on a quest to...
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Trying to Keep that Good Feeling Going? Give Up
You can't regain solid ground in your relationship after a fight. It will never happen. Not because fights ruin relationships, but because the past can never be regained. The past is over. What we can do is create and discover new ground. Today's...
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“Do you have a hidden camera in my house?!”
Someone told me today: "Reading your posts I wonder if you have a hidden camera in my kitchen! I relate to everything you say, and I often wonder if I'm the only one because no one else is talking about it." While we are all very unique, I find that so...
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Stop Swatting Him Away When He Tries to Grab Your Butt—And What to do Instead
One of the primary sex dynamics I saw between my parents growing up was my dad trying to grab my mom's butt and my mom swatting him away. I'm sure my parents didn't intend to have this be what I viewed as "how couples are together." But that's what I saw....
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[VIDEO] Say F*ck That to Sexual Conditioning!
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Having Needs: Desperation
Today's Installment: Desperation This one is very personal and vulnerable... here goes! When I talk with women, there are few things they DO NOT want to be seen as: needy, picky, crazy—and desperate. For many of us, the LAST thing anyone ever told us was...
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Having Needs: “Trading” Needs
Next Installment: "Trading" Needs This week I'm writing about having needs, because I've been examining all the ways I'm uncomfortable having needs in my relationships. One of the most common ways I see couples handle having needs is by trading them in the...
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Having Needs: Why I (Used To) Live Alone
Next Installment in Having Needs: Why I Live Alone Near the end of my marriage, I proposed at one point that we keep separate houses. I thought this was a great idea: I have my own place, MY space, that I can choose to share with you or not. I thought this...
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How Comfortable are You Have Needs? Need vs Want
This week I've decided to do a series on an uncomfortable topic: HAVING NEEDS. It's a topic I am confronting in my relationship—so I thought, let's do this together. First things first: the difference between needs and wants. One of my teachers—whom I...
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The 7 Warning Signs of Sexual Breakdown
Sexual breakdowns start subtly. The tiny blips on the radar that signal our partnership is veering toward bitterness, infidelity, or divorce often don’t trigger the alarm—until it’s too late. They are blips, after all. All we have to signal us to impending...
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Why You Shut Down When He Gives You “That Look” That Means He Wants Sex
It’s the end of the day. We’re home with our partner after busy days at work. The dishwasher is quietly humming in the finally cleaned kitchen. The kids are in bed. We’re sitting on the couch about to relax, when our partner gives us "that look"—you know the one I...
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Adulting.tv Interview: Everything You Learned in 7th Grade Sex Ed is Wrong
I had a blast giving an interview with Adulting.tv—and I think the hosts Miranda and Harlan did as well (based on how much they started blushing). I brought the straight talk on why everything we learned in 7th grade sex ed is out wrong, and gave advice on real topics...
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Speak Up in Sex!
Unfulfilling sex is made up of a series of "skipped" moments. Distance forms and attraction freezes when we DON'T speak up during a sexual experience about those tiny little things that cross our minds: "Would you please slow down a little?" or "I want to tell you...
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“I am a Woman Who Likes Sex, and My Appetite is Enormous”
Openly wanting sex as a woman is a revolutionary act. It goes against most of our conditioning around keeping a lid on our sexual expression and desire—and on the size of our appetites.
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The Payoff of “Owning” Your Own Sexuality
One of the biggest shifts I've made in my sex life over the years and that I encourage my clients to make is away from the painful dynamic of men hunting reluctant women down for sex, towards the more enjoyable dynamic of both partners owning the totality of their...
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Death (and Sex) in the Air
This weekend at the Airbnb in Tahoe I found an old Agatha Christie novel, "Death in the Air." I adore her and murder mysteries in general, so I happily dug in come evening. I made it halfway thru the book by the time we were packing our bags on Monday, and for the...
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Does Having MORE Sex Lead to Sexual Fulfillment?
Frequency is not a strong indicator of sexual fulfillment. In fact, I work with countless women and couples who are having lots of sex—sometimes even 5 times a week on a schedule—and feel disconnection, run ragged, and at their wits end about their sexual unhappiness....
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I am a Master at Inconsistency
I am a master at inconsistency. It's probably an attribute you don't often hear lauded as beneficial. Instead, inconsistency is often apologized for, bemoaned, or judged as a problem. Not for me. I elevate inconsistency to an art form. In the world of logic and...
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What Women REALLY Think About during Oral Sex
20,000 views! I've always wanted to write this article. I tell it like it is inside many women's minds during oral sex. No, a racing mind while receiving pleasure doesn't mean you're doing it wrong! It means that the conditions under which we have sex promote mental...
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Women: Speak Up—It’s Good for Your Health?
The Framingham Heart study examined, among other things, the connection between heart health and relationships. "In men, keeping quiet during a fight didn’t have any measurable effect on health. But women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times as...
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Do You Do Valentine’s Day Backwards?
As Valentine's Day approaches, many of us have romance and intimacy on the brain. However many of us think about sex backwards, which has even our best V-day plans feel less-than-ultimately-fulfilling. Think about sex backwards? What do I mean? We—especially as...
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Your Body Isn’t Broken—Society’s Ideas About Sex Are
When sex isn’t working, many of us blame ourselves. But no matter what the state of our sex lives is, we must know that our bodies are not broken. There is nothing wrong with us. I know this because I’ve been there—fighting with my partner about sex instead of having...
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I am Not Plastic Doll, I am an Ever-Changing Woman
After 5 years of intensive sexual research, 20 years of intensive consciousness research, and 38 years of life, I can say without a doubt: No one is broken. When it comes to sex, when it comes to love, when it comes to relationships, desire, or pleasure. No one. ...
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I’m committed to supporting individuals and couples strip away every that gets in the way of fulfilling sex and relationships to reveal the natural state of connection.