THOUGHTS

Blog, Podcasts, and More

How to End the Push-Pull Struggle

As I expand into my new house, I'm experiencing the bittersweetness of leaving my old identity behind. I've strongly related with the broke single mom archetype. Prevailing against all odds. Breaking free of harmful relationships. Strong. Overcoming the...

read more

Trying to Keep that Good Feeling Going? Give Up

You can't regain solid ground in your relationship after a fight. It will never happen. Not because fights ruin relationships, but because the past can never be regained. The past is over. What we can do is create and discover new ground. Today's...

read more

“Do you have a hidden camera in my house?!”

Someone told me today: "Reading your posts I wonder if you have a hidden camera in my kitchen! I relate to everything you say, and I often wonder if I'm the only one because no one else is talking about it." While we are all very unique, I find that so...

read more

Having Needs: Desperation

Today's Installment: Desperation This one is very personal and vulnerable... here goes! When I talk with women, there are few things they DO NOT want to be seen as: needy, picky, crazy—and desperate. For many of us, the LAST thing anyone ever told us was...

read more

Having Needs: “Trading” Needs

Next Installment: "Trading" Needs This week I'm writing about having needs, because I've been examining all the ways I'm uncomfortable having needs in my relationships. One of the most common ways I see couples handle having needs is by trading them in the...

read more

Having Needs: Why I (Used To) Live Alone

Next Installment in Having Needs: Why I Live Alone Near the end of my marriage, I proposed at one point that we keep separate houses. I thought this was a great idea: I have my own place, MY space, that I can choose to share with you or not. I thought this...

read more

How Comfortable are You Have Needs? Need vs Want

This week I've decided to do a series on an uncomfortable topic: HAVING NEEDS. It's a topic I am confronting in my relationship—so I thought, let's do this together. First things first: the difference between needs and wants. One of my teachers—whom I...

read more

The 7 Warning Signs of Sexual Breakdown

Sexual breakdowns start subtly. The tiny blips on the radar that signal our partnership is veering toward bitterness, infidelity, or divorce often don’t trigger the alarm—until it’s too late. They are blips, after all. All we have to signal us to impending...

read more

Speak Up in Sex!

Unfulfilling sex is made up of a series of "skipped" moments. Distance forms and attraction freezes when we DON'T speak up during a sexual experience about those tiny little things that cross our minds: "Would you please slow down a little?" or "I want to tell you...

read more

The Payoff of “Owning” Your Own Sexuality

One of the biggest shifts I've made in my sex life over the years and that I encourage my clients to make is away from the painful dynamic of men hunting reluctant women down for sex, towards the more enjoyable dynamic of both partners owning the totality of their...

read more

Death (and Sex) in the Air

This weekend at the Airbnb in Tahoe I found an old Agatha Christie novel, "Death in the Air." I adore her and murder mysteries in general, so I happily dug in come evening. I made it halfway thru the book by the time we were packing our bags on Monday, and for the...

read more

Does Having MORE Sex Lead to Sexual Fulfillment?

Frequency is not a strong indicator of sexual fulfillment. In fact, I work with countless women and couples who are having lots of sex—sometimes even 5 times a week on a schedule—and feel disconnection, run ragged, and at their wits end about their sexual unhappiness....

read more

I am a Master at Inconsistency

I am a master at inconsistency. It's probably an attribute you don't often hear lauded as beneficial. Instead, inconsistency is often apologized for, bemoaned, or judged as a problem. Not for me. I elevate inconsistency to an art form. In the world of logic and...

read more

What Women REALLY Think About during Oral Sex

20,000 views! I've always wanted to write this article. I tell it like it is inside many women's minds during oral sex. No, a racing mind while receiving pleasure doesn't mean you're doing it wrong! It means that the conditions under which we have sex promote mental...

read more

Women: Speak Up—It’s Good for Your Health?

The Framingham Heart study examined, among other things, the connection between heart health and relationships. "In men, keeping quiet during a fight didn’t have any measurable effect on health. But women who didn’t speak their minds in those fights were four times as...

read more

Do You Do Valentine’s Day Backwards?

As Valentine's Day approaches, many of us have romance and intimacy on the brain. However many of us think about sex backwards, which has even our best V-day plans feel less-than-ultimately-fulfilling. Think about sex backwards? What do I mean? We—especially as...

read more

Your Body Isn’t Broken—Society’s Ideas About Sex Are

When sex isn’t working, many of us blame ourselves. But no matter what the state of our sex lives is, we must know that our bodies are not broken. There is nothing wrong with us. I know this because I’ve been there—fighting with my partner about sex instead of having...

read more

I am Not Plastic Doll, I am an Ever-Changing Woman

After 5 years of intensive sexual research, 20 years of intensive consciousness research, and 38 years of life, I can say without a doubt: No one is broken. When it comes to sex, when it comes to love, when it comes to relationships, desire, or pleasure.   No one.  ...

read more

Enjoy Receiving “It” More: 3 Daring Suggestions

Here’s a true story: I used to not enjoy receiving oral sex. I know, I know. You may gasp in disbelief, but it’s true. Being a fierce explorer of women’s sexuality, I knew it was supposed to be the quintessential feminine experience — the thing that felt “the best.”...

How I Went from Being Ignored to Being Adored

The other day, a friend texted me with a question: “How do I get my boyfriend to do the dishes more often?” It’s a common complaint I hear among women—wanting more support and more attention. I recently entered into a relationship where my boyfriend does almost all of...

When That Quarter Turn in Bed Feels Like 10 Miles

Lying on my back in bed staring into the dark at the ceiling—righteous, fuming, tight lipped. We had a minor fight as far as relationship fights go, yet it was big enough that…

What the %$#* IS “The Feminine?”—Part One

What does “the feminine” even mean? And what does it mean for YOU and your happiness in relationship as a powerful woman? As big, bold, independent women, we’re here to set the record straight about what it means to be a women. You’re a woman. You’d think...

The Real Reason so many Long Term Relationships Fail Sexually

A couple comes into my office seeking better sex. After we make the tea and settle into chairs, the man, often with a pained and baffled expression, inevitably says, “Ever since we had kids…” His wife shifts anxiously in her chair next to him. Because she knows the...

Let's Have a Conversation

I’m committed to supporting individuals and couples strip away every that gets in the way of fulfilling sex and relationships to reveal the natural state of connection.