This weekend at the Airbnb in Tahoe I found an old Agatha Christie novel, “Death in the Air.” I adore her and murder mysteries in general, so I happily dug in come evening.

I made it halfway thru the book by the time we were packing our bags on Monday, and for the first time when reading one of her novels, I was absolutely certain I knew whodunnit. I felt slightly disappointed—almost guiltily so. Agatha Christie, who died before I was even born, couldn’t feel my let-down—yet still I attempted to hide my sharp sleuthiness from her nonetheless. Almost as if I didn’t want to offend her by having figured it out only a hundred pages in.

Certain I was right, I flipped to the last page of the book just to “check”—we were leaving, after all, and the book belonged to the house—and I was COMPLETELY. WRONG!

Two things happened:

One, I kicked myself for my arrogance and looking ahead. I love a good mystery!! How had I questioned the great Agatha Christie’s remarkable ability to stun, deceive, and reveal?

Two, I was utterly delighted at being fooled and not being able to guess correctly what I was “certain” would happen.

For all of our love of certainty as humans—of security and routine and safety—we possess an equal love of uncertainty, of risk, and of simply NOT KNOWING how the story is going to end.

I see sex as one of the great stories of our lives—and when we approach it as an unknown adventure, sex becomes one of the great mysteries.

Sex touches upon the parts of us that run headlong into the unknown, that delight at guessing incorrectly and being pleasantly shocked, and that become ravished by the thrill and vulnerability of that most personal reveal.

How often during sex—like in my Agatha Christie novel—do we think we in our arrogance think we know the ending of a great mystery? How often have we scripted it in our heads, or worn a familiar groove over the years of “how sex goes”—whether that groove excites us or bores us?

I posit that pure delight and true fulfillment is born from the marvel of mystery, sexual and otherwise—those rare and wonderful moments in our lives where we actually don’t know what’s going to happen. Where we guess wrong and are thrilled that our sometimes small, repetitive thinking has the opportunity to burst into a new and fascinating shape.

How often do you allow sex to be a great mystery?

Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment

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