As Valentine’s Day approaches, many of us have romance and intimacy on the brain. However many of us think about sex backwards, which has even our best V-day plans feel less-than-ultimately-fulfilling.

Think about sex backwards? What do I mean?

We—especially as women—often overly focus on our partner’s enjoyment of sex and ignore our own. While doing wonderful things for our partners can be fun and fulfilling, when we overly focus on our partner and ignore our own sexual needs and desires, we don’t become fulfilled—we become resentful. Plus, our partner’s enjoyment actually goes down.

Let’s face it. Who really wants to receive anything—even something wonderful—from someone who is resentful? Or bending over backwards to accommodate us at the expense of their own happiness? Not me!

Are you doing V-day backwards? Here’s how to check:

  • When you imagine creating the perfect Valentine’s Day experience, where is your focus? Are you devising it so it turns YOU on and feels highly enjoyable for your body? Are you doing it solely based on what you know your partner likes? Or are you somewhere in between?

Sex works best when our partner’s enjoyment is a byproduct of our own.

This February, what would make Valentine’s Day enjoyable for YOU? What romantic adventure would turn YOU on? What would feel great for your body?

Do that. Your happiness and fulfillment is the greatest gift you could ever give your loved ones.


Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment

Connect with me