Frequency is not a strong indicator of sexual fulfillment. In fact, I work with countless women and couples who are having lots of sex—sometimes even 5 times a week on a schedule—and feel disconnection, run ragged, and at their wits end about their sexual unhappiness.
 
Yesterday’s Washington Post article and the study it cited point to a deeper problem than sexual frequency, and that’s the type of sex and quality of sexual contact that we’re having with each other.
 
When the type of sex we’re having COSTS us energy, we don’t want to have it because it feels like “work”—extra work we do not need after a long day at our job or with the kids. Yes, screens and technology provide easy distractions from intimacy and connection. And what’s more important is that the type of sex many of us are having simply isn’t compelling enough to inspire us at the end of a long day.  
 
What I’ve found in my own life and through working with thousands of clients is this: when sexual contact renews us, nourishes us, and energizes us, then we both have more sex and also feel more satisfied with the sex we’re having.
 
 
What is your experience with satisfaction and frequency? Have you ever been having lots of sex “by the numbers”—and still been unsatisfied? What have you made of that?
 
Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment