I WANT BETTER SEX

How do I talk to my partner about this?
How do I bring this up to him?

If you want better sex and connection, but don’t know how to talk to your partner about it, this page helps make that conversation easier.

 

Here’s one thing you need to understand about men  >> 

 

 

One thing you need to understand about men

Here’s what you need to understand: men’s decision-making works differently than ours. 

Women are motivated by our own desire. We learn new methods because we want something:

  • Better sex
  • More money
  • A more fulfilling job
  • Harmonious parenting.

Women are highly altruistic. We’re motivated to take action that helps:

  • Our kids
  • Our relationships
  • Other women
  • The global community

However when it comes down to it, our own desire (for better sex, to help the world) propels us.

 

Men operate differently >>

Men operate differently than women

Men are full of desire. However, they’re deeply motivated by something else: YOUR DESIRE.

To a man, almost nothing carries more weight than you and what you want.

  • Will this make her happy?
  • Will this keep her safe?
  • Will this help her?
  • Does she have a problem and need something from me to fix it?

If the answer to any or all of these is YES, a man will take action in a heartbeat. He is motivated on a fundamental level because when you’re happy, he’s happy.

Yes, it is that simple. 

And chances are, you aren’t getting everything you want from your partner.

 

Why does my guy seem unmotivated to help me? >>

How to easily motivate him

If your man is ignoring your requests, welcome to 90% of masculine/feminine relationships.

And there’s great news.

If your man isn’t giving you what you want, it’s due to one thing only: you aren’t asking in a way he understands. 

The remedy?
  • Say it in a way he’ll understand.
The challenge:
  • Asking for what we want in a way that men understand feels extremely vulnerable for most women.
However, you’ve visited my site. You follow my material which is unabashedly geared towards women’s sexual fulfillment. Clearly, you are a brave person who is full of desire for legendary love.
So let’s do this >>
Man-Speak Explained
Men aren’t inspired by vague requests. In fact, they often DON’T EVEN REGISTER.
  • “Honey, it bothers me when you leave your dishes next to the sink, will you please start washing them?” is a decent start.
However, I guarantee he’ll keep leaving his dishes by the sink.
Why? It’s not because “men are stupid” or that he doesn’t care about you. (He’s not, and he does.) 
It’s because men don’t pick up on the same subtle cues that women do.
You might not think “It bothers men when…” is subtle. To a man, it is. Stop talking to him like he’s one of your girlfriends.
Here’s what to say instead:
  • “Honey, I have a problem and I need your help. When you leave your dishes by the sink, it makes more work for me. Would you please put them immediately into the dishwasher? I’d feel happy and supported if you did that.”

 

Why will that work? >>

The Formula for Asking Men: Step 1

If you don’t have a problem, he’s not motivated to help you.

However,  we don’t say “I have a problem” because we want to be strong women. We fear that having problems makes us:

  • unattractive
  • needy
  • demanding.

When we downplay our problems with men, it backfires. 

If you don’t have a problem, he’s not motivated to help you.

Why would he? You’re basically saying, “I’m fine without you… but maybe you could take action, if you feel like it.” That’s lukewarm at best. You haven’t answered YES to any of his main motivators:

  • Will this make her happy?
  • Will this keep her safe?
  • Will this help her?
  • Does she have a problem and need something from me to fix it?

If you’re happy and don’t need him, he’ll save his energy for when you do.

“I have a problem and I need your help to solve it.” It might feel vulnerable to admit or sound like an exaggeration. But it’s not an exaggeration.

 

You can’t have better sex alone. You do need his help. >>

 

 

The Formula for Asking Men: Step 2

1. Tell him you have a problem and need his help

2. Next, tell him what you want:

  • “I want to take this couples’ training so we have outstanding sex.”
  • “I want you to read this article so that you will understand what I need better.”
  • “I want to talk about this couples’ training I heard about and tell you why I want to do it with you.” 

This is the action you hope he’ll take.

3. Tell him why this matters to you and how the solution includes him: 

  • “I want to feel closer to you.” 
  • “I want to have the best sex ever with you.” 
  • “I want to feel turned on and excited about sex again, and I want to do it with you.” 

4. Finally, seal the deal: 

  • “It would make me really happy to do this with you.”

 

Sounds great! Will you give me some examples? >>

Examples

The problem: 

“Babe, I have a problem and I need your help…”

Your desire: 

“I want…”

  • to have better sex with you.
  • to feel turned on and excited about sex again.
  • to explore deeper sexual connection with you
  • to f*ck like we did before we had kids
  • etc.

Your solution:

  • “I want to take this course.”

Ask if he’ll do it with you.

  • “Can we do this together?”

Reaffirm why it matters:

  • “It would make me really happy.”
    “I’d feel more safe if I knew we were addressing this problem.”
    “I want the best with you, and I want to go for it.”

 

Don’t over do it. Keep it simple and vulnerable. I have a problem and I need your help. Here’s what I want. Can we do this together?