Women, how often to you feel your deep desire for your partner, for sex, or for connection?
Feeling your own arising desire flood your body is one of the missing experiences for most women, especially during sex.
Here’s why: Based on the old model of how we have sex (which, let’s face it, we learned in Middle School—and which isn’t designed for and doesn’t work for women’s bodies), men “want more sex than women” and pursue them for it. The myth that men want and like sex more than women isn’t true. What’s true is that women love sex, it’s just that the kind of sex we’re taught to have doesn’t work for women. Therefore we lose interest.
But back to the old model for a minute: if you, as a woman, are always the object of pursuit, then you don’t get the chance to feel your desire for sex or for someone else naturally arise. Instead, you’re always on the defensive, buffering the latest round of male advances, be they from your partner or from guys on the street. This gets really old and tiresome for both people.
To be so magnetic and attractive is certainly an incredible superpower, and I teach extensively on how to use your magnet to draw towards you what you really want. And—the side effect of being so magnetic is that women sometimes feel clobbered by men’s attention and are therefore constantly playing defense.
Which doesn’t feel very good for anyone. No one is getting what they want from that encounter.
A deeply satisfying experience goes missing in that scenario: the feeling inside of a woman’s body when she feels her own true desire for someone come out and take her over, and the feeling inside of a man’s body when he feels desirable and wanted.
In the new kind of sex, I explicitly teach couples how to leave space for a woman’s desire to come out all the way—because when it does, it’s the most beautiful, satisfying thing for everyone.
That’s because it FEELS GOOD to want something—too look at it longingly, to yearn for it even. In our formulaic approach to sex, women often rush towards the finish line without first getting the experience that delicious ache of swelling with desire, of truly WANTING to be touched, and feeling excited for it.
Try it now: What’s something you really want? Picture it. Don’t worry about whether you can have it or not. Just want it. What does it feel like in your body to simply want something?