I just dug up an old article for a friend that I wrote 3 or 4 years ago, when I was at the start of my sexual expansion. As I read my words from so long ago, what most struck me was my discomfort (back then) with claiming: “I am a woman who likes sex.”
I forgot how uncomfortable I used to feel admitting that I liked sex. Not only that I liked it but that, as a woman, I wanted it. I NEEDED it, hungered for it, longed for it. Does it make you feel uncomfortable to hear or to say for yourself?
“I am a woman who likes sex.”
Openly wanting sex as a woman is a revolutionary act. It goes against most of our conditioning around keeping a lid on our sexual expression and desire—and on the size of our appetites.
Yes, and I’m not just talking about food…
I remember feeling terrified, back then, at revealing the extent of my sexual hunger. I felt embarrassed, and scared that I would be judged. Not so much for being a “slut”—that was a moniker that I claimed in my early 20’s in college—but more for being wanton, out-of-control, and consumptive. Openly wanting sex and being willing to express the extend of my desire has been an act of embracing the BIGNESS of my appetite.
Because wanting sex has us as women take up more “space.”
By “taking up space” I mean we enter our relationships and interactions with our own needs and desires at the forefront, rather than entering a relationship devoid of our own needs and focusing primarily on his.
As much as our culture loves scantily clad, “sexy” women, our learned sexual conditioning doesn’t encourage full-out feminine pleasure or uninhibited expression of sexual desire. We haven’t historically encouraged women and girls to take up SPACE and be large—physically, emotionally, intellectually, or sexually.
Through boldly claiming that I’m a woman who likes sex, I gained confidence. I began to feel more confident in every area of my life, from work to relationships. And my life began to transform for the better. My belief is that when we as women take up space, the world benefits. Our relationships benefit. Our health benefits. And true collaboration, enjoyment, and satisfaction follow.
How comfortable are you claiming that you are a woman who likes sex? Do you allow yourself to take up space with your needs and desires? If not, why not? I’d absolutely love to hear from you.
Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment