What happened to my libido?
I’ll start with the great news: your libido is not gone.
It’s alive and well inside your body. Your deep enjoyment of sex is more possible than you realize.
The problem isn’t that you’ve lost your libido or that you don’t like sex. It’s that your libido has left the building because the sex you’re having doesn’t inspire it to come out.
Women love sex... when it's the kind worth having.
The sex we learned in 7th grade sex ed and see in movies doesn’t work for women’s bodies. In fact, outdated “sex-as-we-know-it” ignores the essential mechanism of women’s sexual fulfillment. Therefore, women lose interest in it.
The common belief is: “Women don’t like sex as much as men do.” This is categorically false.
Most women aren’t banging down doors to have “sex-as-we-know-it.” Here’s why: sex that ignores the unique mechanism of women’s sexual fulfillment isn’t sex women want.
- Women feel turned off and ambivalent about sex.
- Sex feels loaded with expectations.
- Our partner’s mounting requests for more adds pressure.
- Given our busy lives, sex often isn’t worth the hassle.
My methods introduce the kind of sex women enjoy and want more of—because it includes women’s fulfillment.
It’s not that women don’t like sex; it’s that the type of sex we’re having doesn’t work for women.
What 7th grade sex ed never taught us.
Most of us learned the “round the bases” approach to sex: first you kiss, then you touch her breasts, then you rub genitals, and then—finally—you have intercourse and orgasm. Home plate is the destination, and every move is geared towards arrival.
The problem is “first base, second base, third base, home” doesn’t stir women’s passion or intrigue for long.
That’s because predictable, cookie-cutter sex doesn’t activate the mechanism of feminine fulfillment. Women’s fulfillment isn’t derived from reaching home plate or having an orgasm. Instead, it’s found in the experience of connecting and letting go.
Have you been on either end of trying to make a woman climax? And noticed the harder you try, the further away it gets? You can watch me describe and solve this phenomenon in my TEDx talk on female orgasm.
The baseball diamond doesn’t unleash the extent of pleasure women’s bodies are capable of.
7th grade sex ed never taught us how to have sex that excites and meets women’s needs.
What is essential to women's sexual fulfillment?
I’ve helped thousands of women reclaim sexual pleasure. I’ve done the work in my own life as well.
Distilling my personal and professional research down to the essentials, I’ve created a method that consistently liberates excitement, connection, and mutual enjoyment.
Women’s ultimate sexual fulfillment is not what we think.
It has nothing to do with:
- sexy lingerie
- “hot moves to drive her wild”
- or even more orgasms.
It works differently than that.
Orgasms are great… but let’s get real. If that’s all it took to achieve wild fulfillment, then vibrators suffice. Yet they don’t.
Something more is needed for the legendary sexual fulfillment we dream of.
This is why most sex advice fails: because it doesn’t address the “something more” that’s needed to elevate sex from lukewarm to legendary.
When sex includes women’s unique mechanism for fulfillment, women feel turned on, nourished, and respected. Everyone is happier.
My methods are different.
When talking about improving sex, people often address the physical aspects of it: how to touch each other’s genitals, new positions, orgasms, “blowjobs that drive him wild.”
While physical touch is essential for great sex, friction alone doesn’t cut it.
Friction grow tiresome—especially over a time. Years ago, my sex life degraded to a perfunctory monthly encounter. We stopped kissing. There was no passion or exploration, just the necessary friction to get us to orgasm. I felt miserable, lonely, and hopelessly turned off.
Men report the same. “When sex was at its worst, my wife would bend over once a week in the shower and I would basically masturbate inside of her until I came. That was it. It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever experienced.”
Friction alone doesn’t bring us satisfaction and intimacy. That’s why the advice “use this technique” or “just have more sex” doesn’t help. It often worsens an already tense situation and deepens the power struggle.
Couples struggling in the bedroom don’t need “more sex.” They need more connection.
My methods turn existing sex advice on its head because they go beyond friction.
Sex-as-we-know-it gets it wrong for men, too
In addition to ignoring women’s basic mechanism for sexual fulfillment, sex-as-we-konw-it also gets it wrong for men.
Most men want to blow their partner’s mind. They want to give her a unique experience. They want to make her happy.
But using the typical framework for sex, women’s minds aren’t regularly blown. Too often, women fake pleasure, “make the best of it,” or are lying there wondering when it’s going to be over.
This might sound harsh, but it’s true: when stuck in the model of sex-as-we-know-it, women are tolerating a lackluster act that’s barely worth their time.
Instead of having sex because SHE wants it, she does it because HE wants it. Over time, she invariably grows resentful about this. She might have sex with her partner—but she’s not fully giving herself to him. She’s tolerating it for his benefit. This is exactly the opposite of what men want.
Sex can be a passionate experience that transcends work, kids, and today’s news cycle and transports us to one of the most meaningful, rewarding states there is: meaningful connection.
Our need for meaningful connection remains unaddressed in sex-as-we-know-it.
When sex is a run around the bases seeking of home plate, we rush past most exciting part of it: the in-the-moment adventure of exploring someone else’s body. We miss out on what makes sex fulfilling for everyone: the trembling vulnerability of exposing ourselves to each other, and the pleasure unleashed by of letting go of our inhibitions and expressing our deepest desires.
My method changes elevates sex to a awe-inspiring adventure that’s uniquely satisfying every time.
What do you mean, "Connection?"
First let’s say what sexual connection is not… By “connection,” I don’t mean:
- eye gazing,
- lighting candles,
- going slowly,
- or using spiritual names for your genitals.
I steer clear of the New Age because it gets desire wrong. Too many sex experts say things like: “Sex isn’t carnal for women; it’s about bonding and connection.”
Oh, please! That paints women as meek and turns sex into procedure that’s less like passion and more like taking your vitamins in the right order.
The sexual connection I promote is like going on an adventure together.
It’s authentic engagement with another person in which we drop our expectations and explore the landscape. Sex stops being about “doing it right” and instead becomes a fascinating exploration.
Connection turns sex into an rewarding adventure.
It's never too late to get your sex life back
I’ve worked with thousands of men, women, and couples to revive sexual expression, connection, and desire.
One thing I know for sure: it’s never too late.
I’ve worked with couples who are:
- Both full time executives
- Having or have had affairs
- Raising 4+ kids under age 10
- Recovering from abuse or trauma
- On the verge of divorce
It’s never too late to renew sexual connection.
All it takes is a willingness to get help and try something new.
You see, our sex drives and our sexual passion are never gone. They are inherently a part of who we are. My methods revive and uncover what’s already there between the two of you, which is love, desire, and connection.
Help for your sex life
I help women and couples break free from the power struggle of “he wants more sex than she does.”
My couples’ trainings revive women’s libidos, inspire desire and expression, and revolutionize sexual connection for both men and women.