I had this beautiful experience as a woman at the gym. I woke up and went to Crossfit at 7am. I was feeling awesome as I pushed open the door—light, alive, turned on, radiant. I entered a room full of 4 or 5 beefy, sweating men lifting barbells to punk rock music. They’d been up since 6am working out.

I could feel the quality of the air change as I walked in the room—you add one woman to a room full of dudes and the atmosphere instantly changes. Attention shifts, whether we want it to or not. I felt them perk up, I think they started sweating harder, and there were little smiles at the edges of their faces now. As I walked across the workout floor to the bathroom, I literally felt like the sunshine beaming into this room full of dark knights. They got so happy to see me. I got so happy to be seen by them.

Nothing lewd or overtly sexual happened in any way. I respectfully walked across the gym in my parka (it’s cold at 7am!) and they respectfully enjoyed my presence. None of us ever spoke. It was just a moment of shared appreciation for the connection that’s innate to us as sexual humans. And I got fed by it.

Many of us are starving for the true nutrient of intimate contact with each other. We sometimes think that this type of fulfillment can only be achieved through sex and through relationships. But I am finding in my recent single-hood that I can take tiny “bites,” if you will, of connection with men throughout my day—with men I will never know, in ways that are extremely appropriate, and often take less than 10 seconds. A shared smile. A moment of appreciation. That feeling of being the sunshine and brightening the room. I am relishing those experiences, and starting to realize the potential for satisfying connection is in fact everywhere.

I think this type of appreciation is more than OK—I think it’s how we’re designed to live. Enjoying each other with true respect and admiration.

Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Unleashing the mechanics of women's desire, arousal, and satsifaction