Questions and Answers


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The answer is YES! I began my career as a sex coach working primarily with women. While doing this work directly with a partner produces rapid change and increases fulfillment, it is also a deeply personal process than can be done alone. I am currently developing courses and programs for women just like you, as I’ve been receiving many requests for it.
Join my mailing list to stay tuned! In addition, I offer private one-on-one coaching. If that’s something you’d like to discuss to see if it’s right for you, you can set up a free consultation here.
As a fellow Type-A woman, I understand this one personally. Men want to give us what we want—to a degree that is unfathomable to most women. What I’ve found when my guy isn’t giving me what I want, it’s usually for one of these three reasons:
  1. I haven’t made my needs and desires a big enough deal yet. Men conserve energy by nature. If I could take it or leave it, he’s not going to break a sweat for my lukewarm interest. If you get vulnerable and show him what you need and why it matters so much for you, he will leap into action for you. If you just “do it yourself” (as we are prone to do), you will further relieve him of any responsibilities and make the problem worse. Make your needs clear!
  2. I’m being overly directive. No one likes to be told what to do! It’s not an invitation—it’s an order. You don’t like being ordered around, do you? Neither does he. In fact, when you order him around he feels incompetent and will often withdraw further. Instead, tell him how you’re feeling and what you want. And then stop talking and see what he does next. It’s a partnership, remember? Discover the solution together, rather than you deciding and telling him on your own.
  3. I’m not receiving ALL of him. This sounds woo-woo New Age, but I swear it’s not. You can’t fill a bucket with more water than it can hold, right? It’s the same for people and pleasure, adoration, and attention. It’s not magic—it’s physics. If he’s not giving you the attention you say you want, the first place to look is at your own capacity for receiving. Are you willing to receive ALL of him—and give all of yourself to him? Are you holding back?
“The more emotionally involved a man is, the more risk he experiences in initiating sex. So much so, that he may never appear to make the first move. Instead, he’ll respond to however his partner indicates they are ready for sex. Whether it’s coming to bed naked, in a lingerie, or giving him a particular look – it’s what he needs to make himself that vulnerable.” – Alison Armstrong

A great question for you two to ask each other and have a conversation about: “What’s a good way to let you know that I’d like to have sex?”

In my philosophy, the feminine experience of sex continues to change throughout our lives. I personally go through periods where I climax easily and often, and then periods where it takes “forever” or doesn’t happen at all. For women in particular, this is normal. This constant change and never-the-same-twice pattern is how our orgasm works.

Have you seen my TEDx talk on Feminine Orgasm? It explains how the natural way that feminine orgasm is different than its male counterpart. When we as women try to fit our ever-changing expression of desire, arousal, and orgasm into a the more predictable male model, we get further away from sex for OUR bodies—and consequently feel less pleasure and interest in sex.

Another thing to consider: The harder we try to make orgasm happen, the more elusive and the less fulfilling it becomes. one of the best things I ever did for my sex life was to remove climax as the end-all, be-all goal of sex. (In fact, this is how I taught myself to enjoy receiving oral sex again—you can read about it here.)