WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ABOUT SEX FOR YOUR BODY?
Submit it to the FAQ! If Bez answers your question, she’ll it to the page and also send you a personal email.
I see all these programs and help for couples, but is there any chance you will offer a program for single women (or men) that allows us to learn about this without being in a committed long term relationship? I’ve experienced those symptoms with every long relationship I’ve ever had and would like to learn more so it doesn’t happen with my next partner.
I’m a bold, independent woman. I want sex more often, and I want my husband to initiate. What do I do?
- I haven’t made my needs and desires a big enough deal yet. Men conserve energy by nature. If I could take it or leave it, he’s not going to break a sweat for my lukewarm interest. If you get vulnerable and show him what you need and why it matters so much for you, he will leap into action for you. If you just “do it yourself” (as we are prone to do), you will further relieve him of any responsibilities and make the problem worse. Make your needs clear!
- I’m being overly directive. No one likes to be told what to do! It’s not an invitation—it’s an order. You don’t like being ordered around, do you? Neither does he. In fact, when you order him around he feels incompetent and will often withdraw further. Instead, tell him how you’re feeling and what you want. And then stop talking and see what he does next. It’s a partnership, remember? Discover the solution together, rather than you deciding and telling him on your own.
- I’m not receiving ALL of him. This sounds woo-woo New Age, but I swear it’s not. You can’t fill a bucket with more water than it can hold, right? It’s the same for people and pleasure, adoration, and attention. It’s not magic—it’s physics. If he’s not giving you the attention you say you want, the first place to look is at your own capacity for receiving. Are you willing to receive ALL of him—and give all of yourself to him? Are you holding back?
My husband and I still love each other so much, yet when I try to “make a move”, I get pushed a way.
A great question for you two to ask each other and have a conversation about: “What’s a good way to let you know that I’d like to have sex?”
In my philosophy, the feminine experience of sex continues to change throughout our lives. I personally go through periods where I climax easily and often, and then periods where it takes “forever” or doesn’t happen at all. For women in particular, this is normal. This constant change and never-the-same-twice pattern is how our orgasm works.