Of the 200+ who took my Spring 2018 Sex Survey, 89% of us have been in a relationship where sex was an issue. 89%. That’s 9 out of 10 of us. If we’ve ever felt alone in our sexual confusion or longing, now we know—we are not alone.

Of that 89 %, 1/3 of us didn’t seek help for our sex problems. Our top reasons why:

  • “I had no idea where to turn.”
  • “I didn’t know how to bring it up with my partner.”
  • “It didn’t bother me enough to do something about it.”

I relate. When sexual problems eroded my relationship, telling my partner (again) that sex wasn’t working felt as inviting as jumping into a shark tank. It was easier to let the pot simmer. Yet sexual unhappiness doesn’t often go away on its own. I learned firsthand that eventually, the simmering pot explodes.

Which leads us to reach out for help. In the survey, it’s a split down the middle of when we looked for help. Some of us waited until things were really bad. Others acted on a mere inkling. When we did seek out resources, we turned to therapy and books (and more books). We also thought about our problems—a lot. Did it help? Not really.

While we learned something helpful from those resources (we gave “helpfulness” 3.5 stars out of 5) and we took the advice given  (4 out of 5 stars for “usefulness”), the benefits didn’t last. On average we gave “long-term effectiveness” for sex help we’d tried two and a half stars.

What do we most want? To feel confident and sexy, to communicate effectively, and to have more sex.

In a nutshell, the survey says that our sexual struggles are real. And we’re interested in having something better.

We can have it. Thank you for helping me create a solution.

 

Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Advocate for women's sexual fulfillment