Following the peaks and valleys in sex makes it more enjoyable.

Why is this? I have been teaching this for years yet had never stopped to articulate exactly WHY this is true.

The first and most obvious reason is that women’s bodies—and the Feminine experience of sexual arousal and pleasure in all human bodies—naturally contains peaks and valleys. That’s simply the way it’s designed. It would be similar to saying, “Plants need water to grow.” Well, why? They just DO. That’s how plants work. Without water, you don’t get a plant.

Without the variety of cyclical change and the open space provided by following the natural peaks and valleys of a sexual experience, you don’t get feminine arousal or sexual fulfillment. It’s like water for women’s sex drives.

The second reason, which I saw in a new way this morning, is that sex is ultimately an act of creativity. Formulaic, old-guard sex might not seem so much like a creative pursuit. Stick it in, thrust for a few minutes, cum, then go to sleep night after night is certainly not the masterpiece of sensation, enjoyment, and connection that makes sex interesting to have.

No, great sex is more artful than that. And art of all kinds is naturally birthed in spurts and waves of inspiration. There are very few creative and passion-based pursuits which progress linearly and in a way that “makes sense” from the get-go. Look at your career, your children, your marriage—your vacations. They rarely go according to plan and without occasional to often “disruptions” in the smooth, clean progression we think is supposed to be how life and love goes.

That’s because those twists and turns, peaks and valley, are HOW creativity comes out. They are like water for creativity.

If you want to have sex that is truly fulfilling, I suggest paying attention to HOW you have sex. Answering these questions is an excellent place to start examining whether you’re having the most enjoyable sex possible for YOUR body.

Do you notice your sexual experience naturally ebb and flow—both over weeks or months, and also within the minutes of sexual engagement?

Once you start having sex, do you ever stop to pause and enjoy some stillness, or wait for the next creative sexual burst to emerge? Do you trust the natural ebb and flow of your desire to resume when its ready? Or are you afraid if you stopped, that it would go way completely?

Have you ever caught yourself “pushing thru” a natural pause during sex, when your body really wanted a few moments break from the action but you thought it was wrong or weird to ask for that?

Bez Stone

Bez Stone

Unleashing the mechanics of women's desire, arousal, and satsifaction