These are the most common struggles I hear from the women I work with. Can you relate?
99% of the time when couples come to me on the brink of divorce, it’s the same story: he is flabbergasted to hear their sex life is in shambles and had no idea she was so unhappy—and she has known and been trying to tell him for years.
Hi I’m Bez Stone and I’m an advocate for women’s sexual fulfillment. I want you as a woman to have the kind of sex that lights you up, turns you on, and feels amazing for YOUR body.
One of the things I do is let men know just how turned off and unfulfilled most women are when it comes to sex in long-term relationships. That half the time, we’re doing it for him, doing it on a schedule in order to be good partners, or going over our to-do lists in our heads during sex—then feeling relieved when it’s over and we can finally relax.
I know, because I’ve been there. I speak about sex very honestly because too many women I work with have forgotten that sex is supposed to feel good—for US. Forgotten, even, that sex could feel good. That we can be turned on and excited about it. Not just him. US.
If you’ve forgotten, you’re not alone. And it’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with your body, and your libido is not gone. Your partner is not a lost cause. I work with people like you every single day with revolutionary results.
In this video, I’m going to share the most common things I hear from women who come to me looking for help. Because most of us are struggling with the same problems. In fact, these struggles are so common that many of us have forgotten that anything more is possible when it comes to sex in a long-term relationship.
These are quotes from real women I’ve worked with or interviewed about their sex lives:
“I have always been sexually confident, and felt comfortable talking about sex. We used to have sex every day. Then I had kids… It’s like that contract expired. Now the more he wants it, the more pressured I feel. It’s total turn off.”
“Our sex life is good. I mean, he touches me too hard and too fast—but all guys do that… right?”
“The problem is that I don’t know exactly what I want. When I try to ask for anything different, he thinks he’s doing something wrong. We end up fighting, and it’s painful.”
“We’ve been together 24 years. We’re losing that… connection. Honestly, we haven’t had that connection in 5 years or so.”
“I want him to take charge more in sex—but I don’t want to feel pressured, either. He doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I bring this up.”
“I give him an orgasm, because otherwise he’s going to be cranky later and ruin my life by asking for sex 24/7. But then I feel resentful. We agreed a few months ago that I’m OK with giving him an orgasm 5 days a week. Then I get the other two days off. Even so, it feels like a chore and I do it for him, not for me.”
“Honestly, I don’t enjoy receiving oral sex. It’s too hard to relax. I just think about my to-do list the whole time. I’m much more comfortable giving than receiving.”
“How much I want sex, it changes a lot. I don’t know if it’s hormonal or my period. Sometimes I want more and less. Sometimes none. I have a very love-hate relationship with my sex drive.”
“To be honest with you, I don’t know what I want from sex. I don’t know how much sex I need because there’s never been an option for me to feel what I want and need. It’s always been based on his need for sex—not mine.”
“I would love to WANT to have sex with my husband. I notice that if he gives me that look or touches me in a certain way where I know he wants it, a part of me shuts down. I get tired. Sex seems like it takes all this energy. Struggling with our sex life is exhausting.”
“He wants to please me… but let’s be honest: he doesn’t really know how to.”
I share these quotes because my guess is if you’re watching this video, you identify and experience some of this yourself.
Like I said before, I have been there, too.
Here’s what I’ve learned through my 5 years of extensive personal and professional research in women’s sexuality: When we women don’t have the kind of sex that works for OUR bodies, sex diminishes in enjoyment over time. Eventually, we stop wanting it. Our sex drives dwindle. We become overworked, exhausted, and agitated. We have sex “for him” and grow resentful, frustrated, and turned off. And we tend to blame ourselves for this downward spiral.
We don’t realize that there’s nothing wrong with our bodies, or our sex drives. It’s simply that the kind of sex we’re having wasn’t made for women’s pleasure—so of course, it doesn’t feel that inspiring to have.
Here’s my rock bottom moment: I was 31 years old, married with two kids, and having perfunctory sex once a month. I remember laying awake at night after one of those monthly encounters, with my husband asleep next to me, staring at the ceiling thinking, “There has to be more than this…” My sexual life can not be over at age 30. I felt like a withered up flower. Our bedroom was a tense place. I didn’t feel sexy, attractive, or feminine. I honestly thought I was going to die young if I didn’t change something.
But I had no idea what to do. Every time my husband made a sexual advance, I would flinch. Even if I wanted sex during the day, when he got home and or we got into bed, I would freeze. We would start fighting. I didn’t understand why.
I knew that I was a woman who liked sex—or used to. But after kids and years of marriage, I had forgotten. Sex felt like work and my husband looked like another person who needed something from me.
For years, I lived like this thinking it was normal. Eventually, my husband stopped asking me for sex and grew distant. He retreated into his own world of work and beer and sports. I felt relieved to have him off my back and also heartbroken.
I hope you’re relationship and your sex life isn’t as in dismal a shape as mine was. I’m telling you about my past so you know I understand how upsetting, confusing, and frustrating sexual problems in your relationship can be. I’m also telling you because I don’t want it your relationship to get as bad as mine did.
I ignored the problem. I thought this was just “how it went” after kids. We were both busy, and it was hard to talk about. When I tried to tell him what I wanted, he would get angry, and we’d end up fighting. I literally remember forestalling going to bed because I didn’t want to face the pain and confusion that my sex life stirred up for me.
My relationship took a dark turn, I’ll be honest. Eventually, I had an affair and got divorced. I did a lot of damage to myself, my partner, and my family before I realized that I needed to take my sexual enjoyment seriously. Being unfulfilled as a woman is not trivial problem. It matters, and it also doesn’t get better on its own over time.
Again, I hope you’re sex life isn’t in as bad a shape as mine got to. And I also hope that you will do something about it before it gets there.
Like I said at the beginning of this video, I have now coached hundreds of couples around sex and relationship. Once a couple comes into my office admitting they have problem, 99% of the time he is blindsided about the extent to which she has been unhappy and unfulfilled—especially in sex—and 99% of the time, she says she’s been less-than-fulfilled for years and has been trying to tell him.
I want to offer you support BEFORE you get to that point.
Sex can feel great—for YOU. It can be enlivening and exciting for YOU, and you can want more of it because it doesn’t cost you anything. Instead it feels so nourishing and relaxing.
Once you start having sex for YOUR body—using the unique and revolutionary methods I teach—you won’t feel relieved when sex is over, you’ll want more of it. Because it felt good for YOU and YOUR body.
In my Level 1 Intensive Training for Women and Couples you learn a new kind of sex that’s made for YOUR body.
Yes, most of us learned to have sex backwards, based on an outdated and overly simple model of pleasure that only applies to men.
It turns out that when we women have this outdated style of sex that’s based on a man’s body, not on our body, sex feels like work. We lose interest in having it. It takes effort and managing out our part to stay engaged and feel pleasure. And half the time, we’re going over our to-do list instead of enjoying being touched. Sex ends up “costing” us in terms of time and energy.
You’ve got enough on your to-do list already. You work hard managing every other area of your life—the last thing you need is one more person to keep happy. When you learn my unique method of having sex for YOUR body, sex will stop costing you and start benefiting you.
Women who take the Level 1 training and do the 30 days of research with their partners report unanimously that sex stops being a source of stress, hard work, and obligation, and becomes a source of joy, renewal, and relaxation—for YOU.
If you want to feel turned on, invigorated, and inspired by your sex life, click below to get started. Or schedule a free consultation with me if you have more questions. I can’t wait to support you.
TRAINING FOR COUPLES
This 6-week intensive program is for women and couples ready to experience sex that’s more fulfilling for both of you. This training is provocative, challenging, and rewarding.
- A desire to experience greater sexual fulfillment together.
- A shared willingness to experiment and discover with your partner.
- A willingness to practice 20-minutes of daily sexual research for one month.
- 4 Essential training modules (written and audio)
- Provocative daily research for 4 weeks of rediscovering sex
- Two-week integration of sex for YOUR body
- ”Sex Coach On-Demand:” premium interactive support with Bez
- 3 hour-long coaching sessions with Bez
- Payment plans are available
- For couples who want to go all the way
- Complete year-long training—all levels
- In-depth customization, with coaching support
- Includes couples’ retreat
- Please contact Bez to start a conversation