These are the most common struggles I hear from the women I help. Can you relate?

In this video, I share the most common things I hear from women who come to me looking for help. Most of us are struggling with the same problems.

These are quotes from real women I’ve worked with or interviewed about their sex lives:

“I have always been sexually confident, and felt comfortable talking about sex. We used to have sex every day. Then I had kids… It’s like that contract expired. Now the more he wants it, the more pressured I feel. It’s total turn off.”

“Our sex life is good. I mean, he touches me too hard and too fast—but all guys do that… right?”

“The problem is that I don’t know exactly what I want. When I try to ask for anything different, he thinks he’s doing something wrong. We end up fighting, and it’s painful.”

“I want him to take charge more in sex—but I don’t want to feel pressured, either. He doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I bring this up.”

“I give him an orgasm, because otherwise he’s going to be cranky later and ruin my life by asking for sex 24/7. But then I feel resentful. It feels like a chore and I do it for him, not for me.”

“Honestly, I don’t enjoy receiving oral sex. It’s too hard to relax. I just think about my to-do list the whole time. I’m much more comfortable giving than receiving.”

“I have a very love-hate relationship with my sex drive.”

“I don’t know how much sex I need because there’s never been an option for me to feel what I want and need. It’s always been based on his need for sex—not mine.”

“If he gives me that look or touches me in a certain way where I know he wants it, a part of me shuts down.”

“Sex seems like it takes all this energy. Struggling with our sex life is exhausting.”

“He wants to please me… but let’s be honest: he doesn’t really know how to.”

I share these quotes because my guess is if you’re watching this video, you identify and experience some of this yourself.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my 5 years of extensive personal and professional research in women’s sexuality: When we women don’t have the kind of sex that works for OUR bodies, sex diminishes in enjoyment over time. Eventually, we stop wanting it. Our sex drives dwindle. We become overworked, exhausted, and agitated. We have sex “for him” and grow resentful, frustrated, and turned off. And we tend to blame ourselves for this downward spiral.

We don’t realize that there’s nothing wrong with our bodies, or our sex drives. It’s simply that the kind of sex we’re having wasn’t made for women’s pleasure—so of course, it doesn’t feel that inspiring to have.

Here’s my rock bottom moment: I was 31 years old, married with two kids, and having perfunctory sex once a month. I remember laying awake at night after one of those monthly encounters, with my husband asleep next to me, staring at the ceiling thinking, “There has to be more than this…” My sexual life can not be over at age 30. I felt like a withered up flower. Our bedroom was a tense place. I didn’t feel sexy, attractive, or feminine. I honestly thought I was going to die young if I didn’t change something.

But I had no idea what to do. Every time my husband made a sexual advance, I would flinch. Even if I wanted sex during the day, when he got home and or we got into bed, I would freeze. We would start fighting. I didn’t understand why.

I knew that I was a woman who liked sex—or used to. But after kids and years of marriage, I had forgotten. Sex felt like work and my husband looked like another person who needed something from me.

For years, I lived like this thinking it was normal. Eventually, my husband stopped asking me for sex and grew distant. He retreated into his own world of work and beer and sports. I felt relieved to have him off my back and also heartbroken.

I ignored the problem. I thought this was just “how it went” after kids. We were both busy, and it was hard to talk about. When I tried to tell him what I wanted, he would get angry, and we’d end up fighting. I literally remember forestalling going to bed because I didn’t want to face the pain and confusion that my sex life stirred up for me.  

My relationship took a dark turn, I’ll be honest. Eventually, I had an affair and got divorced. I did a lot of damage to myself, my partner, and my family before I realized that I needed to take my sexual enjoyment seriously. Being unfulfilled as a woman is not a trivial problem. It matters, and it doesn’t get better on its own or with time.

I hope you’re sex life isn’t in as bad a shape as mine got to. And I also hope that you will do something about it before it gets there.

I have now coached hundreds of couples around sex and relationship. Once a couple comes into my office admitting they have problem, 99% of the time he is blindsided about the extent to which she has been unhappy and unfulfilled—especially in sex—and 99% of the time, she says she’s been less-than-fulfilled for years and has been trying to tell him.

I want to offer you support BEFORE you get to that point.

In my Level 1 Intensive Training for Women and Couples you learn a new kind of sex that’s nourishing, exciting, and mutually satisfying. You’ll want to have more of it because it’s the kind of sex designed for YOUR body. 

Most of us learned to have sex backwards, based on an outdated and overly simple model of pleasure that only applies to men.

Women who take the Level 1 training and do the 30 days of research with their partners report unanimously that sex stops being a source of stress, hard work, and obligation, and becomes a source of joy, renewal, and relaxation—for YOU.

If you want to feel turned on, invigorated, and inspired by your sex life, click below to get started. Or schedule a free consultation with me if you have more questions. I can’t wait to support you.

WHAT DO WE GET WITH THE TRAINING? 

Upgraded Sex Ed

Essential and groundbreaking lessons every week in how women’s bodies really work.

 

  • Make sense of your life-long sexual struggles
  • Get tested solutions that work for women and feel better for everyone
  • Try a new revolutionary framework for sex that liberates your libido and unleashes deeper intimacy

Take a look inside Upgraded Sex Ed>>

30 Days of Sexual Research

Learning concepts is great. New habits are formed when we put it into practice.

 

  • I expertly guide you through a new way to connect every day for 30 days
  • Easy to follow yet provocative exploration
  • Sexual revival in 20 minutes per day.
  • Build a new habit and change how you have sex permanently.

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Weekly Help

Weekly anonymous Q&A group calls with Bez.

 

  • Tuesdays at 9am Pacific time
  • Call in live or listen to the recording
  • Email your questions by Monday, I respond to as many as I can on Tuesday’s call

Couples' Coaching

Three private, one-hour coaching sessions with Bez

 

  • Apply what you learn directly to your relationship
  • Resolve your most persistent sexual challenges
  • Get more done in less time through customized advice and attention
  • We can meet remotely or in person at my office in Santa Cruz, CA.

THE 30-DAY TRAINING FOR WOMEN AND THEIR PARTNERS

 

Requirements:

  • A shared interest in greater sexual fulfillment. 
  • A willingness to experiment and try something new. 
  • A commitment to 20-minutes of daily sexual research for one month. 

Level 1—Basic

$595/couple
  • 4 Upgraded Sex Ed modules on how women’s bodies really work
  • Provocative daily research that will turn you on, deepen your intimacy, and unlock your sexual fulfillment
  • Weekly Q&A group calls with Bez

HOW DO WE SIGN UP? 

Register Here

Registration is ongoing. 

  • Sign up to get started
  • Receive a welcome email with course instructions
  • Follow the course at your own pace
  • Join the calls and connect with Bez
  • Coaching begins 2 weeks into the program

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